By CL Bledsoe
To do the dishes after dinner instead of diverting a river through the kitchen.
To stop referring to problems as being of “his” proportions.
To pay attention to lesser beings regardless of electronic diversions.
To remember to water the plants instead of waiting for them to learn language and pray to him for rain.
To shake his fist or curse at bad drivers, instead of flinging them up into the heavens to become constellations.
To remember that foreplay doesn’t mean penetration.
To sort laundry by color and treat hydra blood stains immediately.
To learn that veggie dinners are an acceptable substitute for lion steaks.
To stop using the excuse that he’s favored by the gods to justify his obvious cheating at Yatzee.
To never refer to his sister-in-law as a lusty wench.
To smile and make conversation with his in-laws instead of cutting their heads off and burning the stumps so they won’t grow back.
To remember that being half god means being half man.