FOR JUST 69 CENTS A DAY, YOU CAN FEED A FAT, WHITE, SUBURBAN TEENAGER.

By CL Bledsoe

We couldn’t afford real pizza, but with a bonus
card you could get the single-serving, Totinos
knock-off sometimes two for a dollar at Hays
Food Town, regularly sixty-nine cents. Little
pieces of meat you couldn’t identify. Crust
like stale matzo. Cover one with parmesan, eat
the toppings off, add another layer of cheese,
then fold up the crust and eat it like a burrito.
Tony’s had these lumps of “sausage,” round
and grey, the size of a Rollo that tasted of nothing
but salt. The crust was like cardboard but was okay
if you burned it a little. If you’d come
into some money, Red Baron was a treat.
It’s not as fancy as Digiorno, but you can eat
a supreme if you’re too lazy to decide on a topping.