By CL Bledsoe

  1. The voice in my kitchen that constantly mutters in German.
  2. The patchouli-addicted sprite that lives in my chimney.
  3. Myself. JK He’s great.
  4. My job that doesn’t allow me to afford to live alone in an island fortress surrounded by crocodiles wielding shotguns.
  5. The difficulties of crafting shotguns that work underwater.
  6. The further complication of training crocodiles to accurately hit things with underwater shotguns.
  7. The Crocodile Protection Agency.
  8. Pizza places that won’t deliver to my island fortress because of the crocodiles WHO HAVE BEEN EXPLICITLY INSTRUCTED NOT TO SHOOT OR EAT PIZZA DELIVERY PEOPLE.
  9. The moat crocodile union representative sent to demand improved working conditions from my, apparently, sentient crocodiles.
  10. The uneasy peace between me and my new shotgun-toting crocodile island mates.

Stuff My Stupid Heart Likes by CL Bledsoe (co-author of and The Wild Word:

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